Analysis: Grieving
by LadyKryptonite294
Summary: Slightly AU, set in season 1, spoilers for episode Gnothi Seauton. Cameron contemplates the emotion of grieving and comes to a revelation.


**MY VERY FIRST TSCC FIC!**

**Title:** Analysis: Grieving

**Rating:** T

**Genre:** Tragedy/Mystery

**Author notes:** Hey…This is my very first TSCC fic and not really sure where it came from, I just started writing and this is what I came up with, not sure if it's any good…so be kind and please let me know what you think, comments are always welcomed…_just not too harsh_ :D

**Summary:** Slightly AU, set in season 1, spoilers for episode Gnothi Seauton. Cameron contemplates the emotion of grieving and comes to a revelation.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the Terminator Sarah Connor Chronicles characters or worlds…unfortunately, what I wouldn't give to own John Connor _sigh_…

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**Analysis: Grieving**

She is a machine.

Machines don't understand human emotions, can't even begin to comprehend the profundity of them. So when Cameron is faced with a moment in time that hangs on the scale by these very emotions, she is void of a suitable explanation or reasoning to approach the situation.

She would watch John as he grieved. _Grieve; verb, transitive and intransitive verb to experience great sadness over something such as a death_, an emotion she was aware of but unable to grasp wholly and completely. Her CPU configured the information, assessing the situation, but she would never understand the severity of the death of which John was mourning, she was a Terminator after all, death was the meaning of her existence.

John blamed himself for Jordon's death, _her new best friend_, she didn't understand why he couldn't let it go, it was a memory, something that now existed only in the past but to John it was more than that and this left her searching for an explanation. An explanation John found he couldn't give to the level he wished he could, at a level that would _make_ Cameron understand the morals of right and wrong, but she was a machine, how could she understand this?

She stood as John was lost in thought, she watched the people around writing notes and this puzzled her even more. John tried to explain the reason behind such an action, _he_ thought she didn't understand; but she did.

She had been given the knowledge of human behaviour but it didn't cover everything, seeing them write a letter to someone who would never receive it was another human trait she admired, but this would never be noticed by John or Sarah or anyone, it was _her _secret.

Later that day events unravelled that allowed John to forget about Jordon's death and focus on his destiny, but for Cameron it was more than that, it was what she was made to do, however this didn't stop her from remembering that mornings curiosities.

Protect John Connor. That is her mission. And it's exactly what she done.

Machine against machine, it amused John how even at such a time he could begin to compare such a fight to past moral imperfections, it wasn't long ago that such behaviour forced upon animals was and still is frowned upon, yet as he stood and watched machine fight machine, he couldn't help but relate to those who fought _for_ such behaviour, the means always justify the end and now was no different.

Cameron overpowered her advisory, a mimic in comparison, a machine like herself and she was forced to act out against it, in her eyes it meant nothing…_or did it_?

She held it down and went to work disengaging its CPU, working towards her kill. Flawlessly and coldly she worked, she felt nothing, she was merely doing what has been ordered of her; _protect John Connor_. After all she was a Terminator.

She could see it, his CPU was visible and she took no hesitation in pulling it out, this former alley now turned adversary due to John's reprogramming was terminated by her doing.

She stared at the chip in her hands and in that moment she was able to grasp the emotion of grief, sadness formed by the loss of a life, a shift of her head and a glitch inside her CPU and she was contemplating the integrity of human emotion, she had killed before and would continue to do so in the future, but here she contemplated her actions, she had killed a fellow machine, all in the name of protecting John Connor and that was all that mattered, but it didn't stop the conflicting processing to over charge her thinking pattern, she was a machine and so was he.

Derek Reese was dying before her very eyes back at the house and she wasn't compelled to do anything about it, not that she could do anything anyway.

At the table she sat, watching Sarah fight to save the life of her lover's brother but she was drawn into her own thoughts, she had killed a machine, she was in a single word _grieving_.

She looked at the paper in front of her and picked up a pen, to grieve is to experience great sadness over something such as a death, John had told her that writing a note is sometimes the best way to express the things hardest to say, to seek repent perhaps from the life that has been lost, or a life she had taken.

So she presses pen to paper and begins to write a letter of her grief for the Terminator _she_ had terminated.

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**Well? What did you think?**

**I hope you liked it, sorry if it was a bit confusing, i didn't really plan it as i said i just wrote it from nowhere lol**

**Please let me know wht you think, any criticism is welcome, anything to make me a better writer :D**

**Thanks for reading**

**Cee xx**


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